The Wild World of Me

So, I’ve tried to write a damn blog three times today. The first time, I wrote it up in Word during class, and then accidentally deleted it when I went to exit out of the Moodle system. Then, realizing I still had twenty minutes before I had to leave campus, I started to write the whole thing directly into LJ, and got it almost finished and ready to post…and then the fire alarm went off. The whole of Founders Hall was evacuated, and campus PD had to check the entirety of the building while we all milled around out front. By the time it was all over, my ride was there, so I didn’t bother to stick around and see what actually happened. I’m sure I’ll here about it later. Yeah, so anyway, this is my third attempt. Third time’s the charm, right???

So, this past week has been hella busy. I spent way more money on Halloween prep than I had planned to, and now am sorely disappointed with myself. I hate spending money, and I HATE the mall. God, do I hate malls. With a passion. Oh well, at least our costumes are rockin’…we’re a super-cool pirate crew. Bevin is so stoked. It’s a good thing.

Oh, we finally got our cell phones! I tried to give the pink one to Dustin, but he was a lil’ biootch and insisted on having the silver one. I just think that he would have looked so darling with the pink, but whatev’. Anyway, I’m really digging mine, but Dustin has been messing with his constantly for the past couple of days, and it’s driving me crazy. I already want to throw the damn thing out the window. Can you say irrational rage, anyone?

This past Saturday, Dust and I went to a Club Risqué event for the first time ever. Club Risqué is this non-profit organization that puts on erotic play parties and pansexual events in Humboldt county, and we have wanted to go to one for a while, but always lacked either the money, the opportunity, or the guts when they were occurring. This last one, though, was a Halloween costume party called The Masque of Eros, and we just totally decided to go at the last minute. It was weird, interesting, and kind of fun. Not as creepy as I thought it would be. I didn’t have sex with anyone, but Dustin and I both circulated freely all evening, and I got to play some. It was really cool.

The two guys that I hooked up with were both individuals that I had seen around the community and had little crushes on, which rocked. I also made friends with this really sweet kid who hung out with me all night and kind of took care of me, but who I didn’t do anything even remotely sexual with. Weird, but nice. I almost felt kind of bad. Oh, and I also had shrooms for the first time ever! It was in this super-strong tincture. Crazy. Anyway, though, it was fun, and I would totally go to another event.

Oh, and hey, I got a job! I’m going to be bartending one night a week, which will be a bit taxing considering my already extremely hectic schedule, but I’m looking forward to it. It will be so awesome to command the whole bar, and I’m totally anticipating the tips. I start training tomorrow night, and I’m pretty sure that I’ll be flying solo for the first time on Sunday! I’m actually really nervous and scared that I’ll fuck up really badly, but I’m also damn excited. Wish me the best!

Well, hmmm, I think that’s it for now. Let’s just hope that this damn thing actually posts. Like I said, third time’s the charm…

Word to the wise: Just because something LOOKS like a delicious Popsicle, doesn’t mean that it IS a delicious Popsicle. Remember that, and hopefully you will never have to learn the hard way.

God, things are so frickin' busy these days. Why didn't anyone warn me about grad school???!!! I don't know, maybe they did. I have a habit of only listening to my own voice, so whatev'. Garsh.

Anyway...wow, other than being busy with school, not much is really going on in my life these days. I have a crazy major paper to research and write tonight, which sucks. It wouldn't be so bad if I had been able to do the research and drafting yesterday, but this mega-big storm hit, and some contractor down by Wyott cut the only fiberoptic cable connecting Humboldt Island to the rest of the world, so there was no internet access anywhere. Most of the computers at the Uni wouldn't even boot up, cuz they're in smart rooms with auto internet...which means, I guess, no internet, no starty computy. Sucks. Or, at least, it sure sucked for me. Cuz now I'm writing a major paper at the last minute, rather than the minute BEFORE the last minute...which is way different when it comes to difficulty as well as the mature/responsible factor.

ARGH!!! Why does my brain make me go to school???!!! Everything would be so much easier if I could just be, like, a duck feeder at a zoo. But, hell, they probably have to go to school for that, too.

And ducks are assholes.

I’m scared. Seriously. It’s like my life has slowly and unobtrusively progressed into something I can’t quite manage, and there’s no quick fix for it at my disposal. Everything seems out of my control, like I’m just being swept along by the current with no choice in what direction it takes, and I hate that feeling.

The financial thing sucks. Even if we devoted our entire budget (every cent) to rent and bills, there would still barely be enough money to cover it all. And when you add in the need for food and gas, and stupid shit like the cigs that Dust and dad can’t live without, it’s clear that we are in over our heads. I’m trying to get a job, but my schedule is so limited because of school and motherhood that I’m not finding anything viable. Do you know how sad it is when a college-educated adult woman (who could have an actual grown-up career if she could only work fulltime) is desperate to get a night job as a cocktail waitress at an Indian casino? Right now I’m exploring loan options, which is something I swore I would never do. I’m so upset that I let things get to this state.

And school is throwing me for a loop, too. The grad program is so much harder than my undergrad studies were, and it is messing me up in a major way. In the past, I have always been able to rely on the fact that I “get” things quickly and write well in order to bullshit my way to Summa Cum Laude, but now I feel like I’m falling short of expectations rather than exceeding them. My course work requires a huge amount of time and dedication, and I am having trouble trying to carve enough time and energy out of my schedule to handle it, what with having Bevin all the time. I’m not being able to hack it, and I don’t know what to do. And it will be even harder if I get a night job on top of everything else.

I just don’t know what to do. I hate feeling out of control.

But, fuck it, who cares! I’ll just make everything work, right? I’ll get a loan and go a few thousand into debt, and that will at least help with rent for the rest of the year. I’ll keep trying to get a night job, and years from now, I’ll use my year of cocktailing as fodder for a quirky secondary character in a book. And school? Well, I’ll just have to make school work. There’s 24 hours in a day, and maybe if I devote less of them to partying, I’ll have plenty available for Bevin, school, AND work. Yep, I can do this. I can make anything work!

Wow, this blog has been so cathartic. Seriously, my mind just did a total flip. I went from feeling completely crappy to feeling pretty damn okay in the space of a mere paragraph transition. Weird. I guess there are benefits to being a lil’ bit loony. I feel like Sara Silverman in the opening number of Jesus is Magic. Maybe I should break into song. Yeah, that would rock. I’m cool again.

This is why I love Dustin so much. The following is an actual conversation that we had last night.

Erin: Let’s watch a movie.
Dustin: Okay, how about Pippi Longstocking.
E: Wait, you like Pippi Longstocking?
D: Yeah. I remember when I was younger, everyone was always like “Oh my God, her hair is so crazy! How does she get her hair to stick out like that? How can that be? That’s just so weird!”, and I was always like “Duh, it’s wire, like a coat hanger. That’s why the braids stick out. Duh”.
E: Wait. So, when you were little, all the kids you hung out with were totally obsessed with Pippi Longstocking? And they were truly so simple that they couldn’t figure out why her hair stuck out? They really, like, spent hours discussing it? Seriously?
D: Yeah.
E: What the hell kind of people did you hang out with?
D: Well, they weren’t, like, REAL people.
E: Wait, what do you mean they weren’t real people?
D: Like, they were people in my head.
E: So the kids you hung out with when you were little were in your head? And they loved Pippi Longstocking?
D: Yeah.

And then he changed the subject and wouldn’t talk about it anymore. God, I love him.

So, I wrote this whole super-long LJ post, but it deleted itself during the posting process, so here’s my super-short Reader’s Digest recap, with a few extra tidbits thrown in for good measure.

Watched the new Harry Potter movie. Not a fan, due to JK Rowling’s seriously sub-par writing abilities, but I have to say I enjoyed the flick immensely. Of course, the rum might have had something to do with it…

While at the theater, saw a big cardboard display for the movie Stardust. One of my favorite books ever, by one of my favorite authors ever, and it looks like the film version might actually turn out decent. I’m so excited it’s not even funny. Seriously. I can’t wait.

And speaking of nerdy fantasy book/film mania, I just saw the previews for The Dark Is Rising, which looks pretty awesome, too. God, I loved those books as a child…

Moving on to another topic, I got way too drunk on Friday night. Like, as in so drunk I tried to start a fight with a guy in a bar, and actually ate Taco Bell on purpose. Later on, when I went to wash my face, I dropped the cap to my facial cleanser in the toilet…and then couldn’t stop myself form accidentally flushing it. Yeah, that drunk.

I was DD for Dustin on Saturday, and I gotta tell you, the only thing I hate more than being too drunk is being too sober. Bars just don’t hold the same charm without the rose-colored beer goggles of alcoholic indulgence and excess. It’s just too weird.

On the topic of drunkenness and strange activities: drunken Dustin got ahold of a ladder and finally got through that little door that lives twelve feet up on our bedroom wall. It’s like storage space, and it’s all insulationy, but it also has carpet and a light. It’s like a little room. Creepy. Now I know where Meghan has to sleep the next time she visits.

Speaking of Dustin and his curious penchant for discovering weird stuff: Dustin found a Giant Coastal Salamander last week. It’s huge, and reminds me of a cross between Jabba and a Bull Dog. It lives in our bedroom, now. Its name is Rueben.

On Sunday night, Dusty and I did a spa night. We did face masks and hair treatments, and sipped white wine while soaking our feet. It rocked. I was getting sick, though, so I didn’t get to enjoy it to its fullest potential.

Speaking of which, I’ve been sick for the past few days. Yesterday it was really bad, like “dying of the plague” bad, but I’m doing better today. I can’t waste the last few weeks of summer being sick. Hell’s no. So wish me better, G. Word.

Getting sick was actually good, though, cuz I was able to use the downtime to get some important stuff done. Like, I finally ironed out all the bullshit and got registered for classes yesterday. If all goes as expected, I’ll have a sweet Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday schedule. Now I just have to fight for a spot for Bevin in the pre-school.

So, I guess that I wrote this on friday night while drunk, but couldn't properly post it, and my computer just restored it from the auto-save draft thing. I have no idea what I was talking about, and it kind of freaked me out when I read it just now. So, check it out:


I love you. Despite it all, I love you. Thas all for the moment. I love you. And my atick is awesome. Word.

Oh, yeah, our strange attick apperently actuall has carpet and a light. Like a brutal stelchidl punishment room. Crazy.


Yeah, my love is a nightmare.

When Meghan first came to my new place, she got all excited about the "kitty doors"...the little windows that they put in child-safe screens...she thought that they were real human windows! vag! what a loser!

Fun past few days, if I must say so myself. On Thursday, Dustin and I discovered an awesome tattoo shop out in the middle of nowhere, then went out to Six Rivers with our friends Homer and Anna for her twenty-second birthday. There was this rockin’ little band playing there that I absolutely adore, so we drank mucho pitchers and devoured mucho nachos to the wonderful music of Jimmy Jeff & the Gypsy Band. The frontman recognized Anna (who is an awesome bass player but has been out of the local scene lately) and they had her come up and play along with them for a song on this awesome loopy bass. It was brilliant, and at the end of the song everyone in the place sung Happy Birthday and one of the waitresses brought Anna a shot of something. Then we came back to the house for a bowl and a beer. Really, really fun night. As a side-note, I also got a bunch of cool house plants for free, which only I find even remotely exciting.

On Friday, Nene ditched out on me and didn’t come up, which I was pretty pissed about, but oh well. I had a great weekend anyway, so I’m over it. I finally got my mostly-intact security deposit back from the old place, so I’ll actually be able to pay my rent this next month, which is a good thing. Oh, and Dustin actually made me those two bedside tables that I designed, so now my room is slightly less undecorated. In the afternoon, Cheri and Tyler came over with Aiden, their two corgi dogs, a bunch of food, and a big bottle of rum, and we had a blast. We gorged ourselves on pizza, chips, beef jerky, and booze, and everyone ran around out in the yard for hours. Then, after the lil’s were asleep, we all got super stoned watching Cheech and Chong movies, then smoked some lovely hooka. Nice…except for when we all started talking about our various supernatural experiences, and I ended up scared out of my mind and unable to sleep until hours after everyone else turned in.

Then, on Saturday, Joe came over and we all hung out and drank out in the lovely sunshine. The BBQ was fantastic: we had green salad, macaroni salad, homemade potato salad, homemade veggie fried rice, watermelon, cookies, pork loin in three different flavors (honey mustard, traditional BBQ, and red pepper soy sauce), beef ribs, shrimp and zucchini kabobs, three different kinds of beer, and spiced rum mixed with a plethora of various sodas. And I only had to buy a few things for it…everyone else totally contributed so much food, it was fantastic. I love having friends who actually kick in for things. Then, later in the night, after many shots and some arm wrestling, Cheri and I went off on an adventure to discover the most direct route to Safeway. Much drunken stumbling, much cross-country maneuvering, much fence-jumping, and much skirting of scary places ensued. I ripped both my jeans and my sweatshirt, and have some atrocious bruises, scrapes, cuts, and puncture wounds on display as a result of my adventurous spirit. I spent the night puking and miserable.

Which brings us to Sunday…what I like to call “the recovery portion of the weekend”. Yeah. Still working on that whole “recovery” thing. I’ll keep you updated.

Monday has been delayed pending further notice.

So, this week has been pretty cool so far. First off, a big thunder storm broke at the beginning of the week, so we had just buckets of rain, and since then it's been jumping randomly back and forth between torrential downpours and super-hot sunny day weather. Crazy.

Anyway, on tuesday Dustin and I met up with Homer and Anna, who we haven't hung out with in, like, a year, and checked out their awesome palacial pad. Then we went down to Toby&Jack's where we shot pool and consumed large pitchers of delicious ale...gotta love the Kiltlifter. Toby&Jack's has it on tap, which is quite wonderful. But, God, that place gets crowded. It was really cool, though, because back when we all used to socialize with each other a lot, Anna was only 20, so it rocked to actually go into a bar with her.

Then, let's see...wednesday. On wednesday Dustin took me out shopping for a bedset, which I have wanted forever. We couldn't really afford it, but we did it anyway, and now our bed looks so tits. We got this beautiful gold cream lotus pattern comforter with matching bedskirt, pillow shams, and a bunch of different matching cushions, and black sheets with black pillow cases. It's awesome. I feel like a princess. Seriously. After shopping, we went out to the Clam Beach Inn (the local dive watering hole) for a few beers, which Dustin said he desperately needed after going home accessory shopping. The bartender there is a blast, and we know some of the regulars, so it's always fun to stop in on a weekday evening. Much laughter ensued.

The, when we got back to the house, there was a message on the machine from my friend Sheila,  so we headed back out to meet her and Jake at the Alibi. She's only back in town for two days, so it was worth dealing with the aftermath of a late night out. Anyway, we had a great time, and enjoyed some wonderful oyster shooters. God, I love the Alibi's oyster shooters. They're like giant balls of snot in spicy tomato sauce, and yet they are somehow wonderful. As for booze, I was already toasty from the beer earlier, so I just had a Bloody Mary. We parted ways around midnight, after which Dust and I came home and slept on our wonderful new bedset. Brilliant.

I'm not quite sure yet what the plan is for tonight. Sheila wants me to go with her to her tattoo appointment at Primal Decor at 5:30, but we also semi-committed to Anna's birthday dinner at Six Rivers later in the evening, and if we do both we won't be around at all tonight. I just hate doing that to Bevin. I mean, she has Poppy here, so it doesn't really bother her, but I hate the idea of missing both dinner AND bedtime. One or the other, maybe, but not BOTH. We'll have to just wait and see what happens.

As for the rest of the week: Nene is supposed to come up on friday and stay through sunday, so that will be fun...if she actually turns up. It is Nene, afterall. And we are doing a big BBQ on saturday. Cherri and Tyler and Aiden are coming, and Joe and his family, so it should be pretty neato. I'm majorly looking forward to it.  Except for the fact that I need to clean my house today in preparation for guests, which sucks. Oh, well, I'm tough...kind of. No, really, I am! I swear. Okay, no, I'm not. You got me. Satisfied?

Blogs blogs blogs
Blogs are nice
I like to eat rice
Throw the dice
Rock my ice
Scratch my lice
Befriend some mice
I’ll pay the price
Consider it a vice
Cuz blogs are nice
Blogs blogs blogs…
…are nice.

BLOGS!!!

That was my super fly blog song. Yeah, I laid DOWN that shizzle. I have mad skills. You should see the little dance that goes with it. Phat. You best recognize, playa. Word to your mama.

THAT JUST HAPPENED!

I feel like I am two different people, based on when school is, and is not, in session. It’s kind of unnerving. For instance, I LOVE Humboldt when school is in session. I’m super busy, all sorts of events are taking place, I have a regular and fulfilling schedule, and I am able to hang out with friends who share my interests and goals. It’s stressful at times, but I have a blast. Everything just feels normal, and I am comfortable in my world…and then summer arrives. And I just feel desperate to get the hell out of here.

It’s weird, because I made it such a conscious point to get the hell away from Quincy, yet the mountains are exactly what I crave when my days are left unstructured. Like, right now, all I want to do is disappear up into the forest and get drunk and stoned with my sister and wear funny costumes and have an Eboganog hunt. I just feel out of place here in Humboldt right now, and I always feel so at home in Plumas.

Of course, a lot of it probably has to do with the move. I love this house, but only a few rooms are actually decorated at this point, and there are so many boxes sitting out in the garage. My room is still utter chaos, and not at all set up properly, and maybe that’s why I feel so unsettled. Plus I always get lonely over the summer here, because all my friends are college students, and the majority of them leave for break. I used to have that same problem in Quincy, too, come to think of it.

I don’t know, I’m just in a weird mood.

Anyway, though, it was awesome to have Meghan and mama up for a few days to see the new place. Meghan and I basically spent Tuesday and Wednesday sitting on our asses, listening to Bob Marley, smoking hooka, and getting stoned. I mean, we did other stuff too, but that was the highlight. We also touched bases with James and Angel, who were up house hunting (successfully, mind you), listened to a crazy crackhead sing some awesome Rasta music in the park, ate pizza, and got attacked by a faerie wolf in the middle of a dark, mystical Pan’s Labyrinth grotto. Cool stuff.

And last night, Dusty and I went out on a date. We had drinks at the Alibi, and got a fantastic sushi dinner at Tomos. It was lovely. Then we came back to the house where we got high, watched Reno 911 Miami, and passed out at an early hour. Haha.

Yeah, so that’s about it. Word.

I can't randomly kiss anymore. Kissing is weird. I adore kissing, and when I was younger, I would kiss anyone. It was fun and entertaining and enjoyable and meant absolutely nothing. Bars, parties, anywhere. But now, everything is different. I mean, I love kissing...it's so intimate and wonderful and sexy. But maybe that's exactly why I can't bring myself to kiss randomly anymore. It's one thing to flash some skin, cop a feel, steal a few caresses, maybe rub up on someone, but totally another to actually share mouth-to-mouth contact. Kissing means so much more...it's true attachment, true involvement, true desire. True intimacy. I can't kiss just anyone.

I can't randomly kiss anymore. Last night, over at Meghan's, a guy kissed me and I just didn't dig it. I mean, he was a cool person, and I was definately feeling "on the prowl" , but I just couldn't do it. He kind of surprised me with the whole thing. I was sitting with him on the couch, all half-asleep and drunk, and he did the whole arm-over-the-shoulder-carress-the-upper-arm thingie, and I was kind of stoned and zoned out on the tv. Then he just kind of swooped in and started kissing me, and I was like "whoa!". I pulled away and changed the subject and begged extreme tiredness, and everything was fine, but it was just so strange. Like, I still feel weird about it.

I can't randomly kiss anymore. Over the past few years, I've rubbed up on quite a few people, but only really kissed a select few. Even more importantly, there have been only four people in as many years who I even wanted to keep kissing after the initial make-out. The first is Dustin, obviously, who I will happily kiss for the rest of my life, regardless of what happens to our relationship throughout the years. The second was a guy who I now regret, but who provided fun and intellectual stimulation when I desperately needed it at the end of my second semester at HSU. The third was a sweet boy who I only kissed once, but whose lips I will always remember. The fourth was a boy-man who begged me to kiss him with such need that I couldn't resist, and whose summertime touch I have helplessly gone back to over and over whenever the opportunity has presented itself. Four kisses, four sets of lips, that's it.

I can't randomly kiss anymore. To fool around with someone, well, all you are doing is taking what you want, what you need. If you are giving anything in return, it's just a night of your time...that's it. To kiss someone, though...When you kiss someone, you are giving them yourself.

I can't randomly kiss anymore.

So, I'm heading back up to Humboldt tomorrow, Meghan and mom temporarily in tow. I'm looking forward to them seeing the new house, but I'm kind of sad to be leaving the mountains again. I really wish sometimes that I could just stay for the whole summer.

Last night was pretty cool. I got stung by a bee, which sucked, but didn't die, which ruled. The zombie party was fairly rockin'. We all looked damn good in our costumes, much booze was consumed, and nobody got arrested. Some of the people who showed up were a little odd, a couple of dildos set off fireworks, and Keith and Tori sped off fighting again, but it was mostly awesome overall. I punched a guy in the face full-force and he liked it, so that was neat. Is that weird of me? Oh,well. But, yeah, the zombie party was swell. God, that fake blood was a bitch to wash off in the morning.

So far, today has brought refreshing showers, delicious Dan Marinos, and the end of my sack. I wanna make major coolness happen this evening, though...it's my last day here for WEEEEEKS, and I want to enjoy it. So far, sneaking into hippie-fest, stargazing, skinnydipping, and going to the hotsprings top my hopes for the evening. There's an awesome layer of smoke over the whole county, so I'm all crazy and amped up and licentious. I love the smell of forest fires, and I still haven't worked the Fuck or Fight mentality out of my system. We'll see what happens tonight.

I'm also kind of bummed, cuz a boy who I had hoped to pass some time with this past week has been MIA, and I always get so pissed when I get blown off. It sucks, cuz there are lots of boys out there who treat me nicely and with respect...so why can't I ever want to jump THEIR bones? Nah, it's always got to be the assholes. I think it has something to do with the fact that I find men with girlfriends/fiances/wives to be the most attractive. There's nothing sexier than being the other woman. But, yeah, that explains the asshole part. God, I love assholes. One or two in particular. Hmmm....stupid boys, not doing and being exactly what I want when I want it. Lame.

Oh, speaking of boys, Dustin stayed home last night in Humboldt, so the bad luck streak didn't destroy him. Thank goodness.On thursday night, he crashed our car, and on friday he barely made it through a night surrounded by club drama and bar fights, only to have some conning bitches chat him and his buddy up in a restaraunt at 3am and then ditch the guys with a huge bill. Fuckin' cunts. Dustin's too used to having a girl there to protect him: now, when he goes out alone, he is totally prey to the wiles of lame chicks.  Poor thing. But, yeah, he was having a pretty messed up weekend...and it kind of looked like the crap was going to continue. I was expecting a call from jail. But now all is good!

Hopefully, all will be good with me as well.

Let's see, what's been happening lately? Yesterday was WAY TOO HOT, but the evening felt wonderful, and Meghan, Shelley, Tim-Tim-Timothy-Buttons, and I wandered around downtown drinking beer and eating jerky, breadsticks, and pixy sticks until we felt sick. We wanted Burney, James, and Angel to hang out with us, but they were being buttheads, so instead Meghan and I snuck back to mom's to smoke while Tim-Tim and Shelley made a giant grass cock on the courthouse lawn. Then we ran into Meghan's ex, Justin, who drove us over to EQ, where we got fucked up on Jaeger and SoBe Adrenalin Rush. Then my sissy, Tim-Tim, and I wandered over to the HippyFest. The kids snuck in, but I wasn't feeling it, so I got my ass slapped by two black girls then walked back to Meghan's while finishing off a HUGE cup of Jaeger that I shouldn't have finished off. Then Justin and I drove up Mount Huff road to look at the glow from the Antelope fires, which was fuckin' awesome. Then I went back to mom's and spent the night sick as a dog. But now I'm all better!!!!

I'm really looking forward to tonight. This zombie party is going to kick ass, and I'm hella stoked. It's Shelley's Going-Away Party, so I wrote her a poem yesterday. Yeah, I'm a geek. Meghan and I are going to make up a batch of fake blood later this afternoon, then get our costumes nice and bloody and torn. We are going in nighties with robes, in order to suggest that we were sleeping innocently when the zombies attacked us. Shelley is dressing as a zombified zombie hunter, and I think that Mitch is going as an office employee. It'll be awesome...I just hope that we don't get arrested. I also hope that all the cool people decide to come, cuz Shelley deserves a good party before she moves on tuesday.

So, yeah.


Anticipation!